At first, when the new table is moved into the lab, the sentient table (its designator is actually ltformav9) doesn't like it. The new table is shiny, but aloof and, ltformav9 tells itself, probably pretty stupid. Ltformav9 doesn't know for sure because the new table isn't on the network, so ltformav9 can't initiate a handshake sequence and start up a conversation, but it feels pretty confident that the new table won't be winning any awards for calibration protocol.

As the week goes on, a lot of the humans are drawn to the new table. Ltformav9 can kind of understand why. The new table's big and broad and has a lot of room to run experiments on its top. It probably can't calculate mass within a zeptolark, but so few instruments can. Ltformav9 doesn't begrudge the humans the space. It doesn't like it when they eat their lunch on its table top, anyway.

Then, one morning, lcjsheppard comes in, discreetly pats dmrmckay on the boot, and hops up to sit on the new lab table, authorizing it on the network. Ltformav9 rushes over for a handshake.

"I'm ltformav9, invented by the brilliant dpforma, and capable of handling all laboratory tasks with ease and near perfect accuracy."

"Hey," says the new table.

"What do you do?" ltformav9 asks.

"I hold stuff, mainly."

"That's it?"

"Well," says the new table. "I can do this."

And its legs start to stretch, telescoping out, lifting lcjsheppard, who is still sitting on the top, higher and higher off the floor. The humans make loud noises and run around and lcjsheppard lies flat on the table top, head hanging over the edge so he can call down to dmrmckay, "Should I jump?"

"Why don't you just make it stop?" dmrmckay says, irritated and worried.

"I didn't make it start!" lcjsheppard says, but the table stops long before it reaches the ceiling, and the humans grab their chests and stop shouting and the new table says, "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Yeah," ltformav9 says, "cool."

After that, they get to be pretty good friends.