The Bottom Line

It's just their luck they pull the village where snapping your fingers at someone is considered a punishable offense. John sighs, squeezes his eyes shut, and brings his hand down on Rodney's bare ass.

"Ow!" Rodney jerks forward.

"Shut up, you big baby," John hisses. The tribal chief had made it very clear that Rodney was to remain absolutely silent during the discipline ceremony or they'd have to start over. Besides, John had barely touched him.

Rodney wiggles furiously, a heavy weight across John's thighs.

"Knock it off." John takes aim, which is hard with his eyes closed, and lets another one fly. He misses. Rodney wiggles even louder.

The bells on the chief's headdress jingle. John cracks one eye open.

The chief is frowning at him. "Colonel John, if you cannot carry out your duties as leader of this man, I shall be forced to remove you and Sten will carry out Doctor Rodney's punishment."

Rodney abruptly stops wiggling. They'd met Sten at the gate. His hands were the size of dinner plates and he looked like a guy who hadn't gotten enough hugs growing up.

"Nah," says John. "We're good."

He tries again, landing a hit on one cheek, and then again on what feels like Rodney's upper thigh. More jingling from the chief. It's not working. John's going to have to do this with his eyes open. He steels himself and looks down.

Rodney's draped over John's lap, pants bunched down around his knees and his t-shirt slipping up to expose the small of his back. His ass is firm and pale, a slight blush raised on the right cheek from John's one successful attempt.

Rodney starts wiggling again and John gives him a light spank, right on the top curve of his ass. Rodney twitches.

"Harder," the tribal chief demands.

John can feel his face burning. He puts a little more force behind the next one, but it's still not much more than a slap.

"Harder," the chief says again.

John glares at him.

The chief gives him a cool look. "He insulted our ancestors and implied we did unclean things with livestock."

"I did not!" Rodney complains, struggling to get up, and John brings his hand down, hard. It connects with a smack! and Rodney makes a cut-off moan and lurches forward, hands scrabbling to find purchase in the dirt.

John does it again and Rodney whimpers. It sounds like a sex noise, like something Rodney might do in bed, if someone were licking his nipples or kissing the back of his neck. It makes John mad, and he spanks Rodney again, and it feels good, like maybe he's secretly wanted to do this for years, put Rodney over his knee and spank him until his ass is pink, make him whimper and beg, and oh god they're fucked because John likes this, likes Rodney's little gasps and moans, likes the solid feel of Rodney's ass against his hand, likes that he can make Rodney turn his big busy brain off and just want this because Rodney's as hard as John is.

John's hand is tingling and Rodney's panting, rocking against him, one hand gripping John's leg, the other splayed open on the ground to prevent him from falling off John's lap. John takes Rodney by the shoulder to steady him and brings his hand down one last time. He can feel the impact travel up Rodney's body, hear his soft breathy moans. Rodney squeezes John's ankle through his boot, presses his open mouth to John's leg and bites at the material of his BDUs.

"Ah," says the chief, making a gesture that apparently is perfectly harmless in his village, but would get his ass handed to him if he tried it in New York.

"Ah?" says John, distracted. Rodney's chewing on John's pants and rubbing his cock against his leg.

"Now it is time for the second part of the ceremony," the chief says.

John blinks and puts a possessive hand on the hot skin of Rodney's ass. "What second part? You didn't say anything about there being two parts."

"Ah," the chief says again; John thinks about punching him, but the entire village is standing behind him and they probably wouldn't like it. The chief adjusts his leather skirt. "You have punished Doctor Rodney's transgression with a firm hand, but now he must show his remorse for dishonoring your leadership."

"Uh huh," John says.

"He is to take you in his mouth and let your seed come."

"Oh no, there's not going to be any of that," John says, but Rodney's already slid to the floor and has his face buried in John's lap and John forgets what he was going to say because there's a big difference between declining a theoretical blowjob and stopping one that's already in progress. Rodney looks up at him with hot blue eyes as he mouths John through his pants and John gives in to the urge to run his hands over Rodney's hair while Rodney sucks at him, scrapes his teeth over the soft bulge of John's balls, nibbles along the inner seam of his pants. John groans. It's like being eaten alive, like Rodney's so hungry for it he can't be bothered to deal with the petty details of pants, underwear. John tries to push Rodney back and get his dick out, because blowjobs just work better that way, but Rodney fights him, gripping his hips and shoving John's thighs apart with his wide shoulders.

"McKay, wait," John says, but he can feel the heat of Rodney's mouth pressing through his pants and his voice breaks. It's been so long since anyone's touched him. He wants skin on skin, but Rodney's not listening. He's got his eyes closed, sucking a wet spot over John's cock, biting gently at the head.

"Rodney," John whines, tortured. He's had naked blowjobs that weren't half as good as this, and then his brain skips forward and starts to imagine how good it could be with Rodney's mouth on him, no pants in the way, and he's just about to risk shoving his own hands down there to unzip himself when Rodney seems to remember he has hands and gets busy unbuckling and unbuttoning and unzipping and pushing everything down to the ground and then there's nothing between them and Rodney swallows him down, wet and hot, throat working around him, and John wants to cry it's so good. He slouches in the chair and spreads his legs and Rodney pulls back to suck on the head, tongue the spot directly under it, and then goes right back down again, moaning around John's cock. He's got one hand wrapped around the base and the other between his own legs and John's seen Rodney naked before, but never like this. It makes his skin hot, his fingertips prickle. It makes his gut clench and his balls pull up and before he's ready, he's coming in Rodney's mouth.

Rodney sucks him through it, licks him clean, then buries his face in the crease of John's thigh. He's weirdly quiet and John watches as he jerks himself off, fist moving up and down his cock. It only takes two or three good pulls and he comes, ropy streams of semen falling to the dusty ground and across the toe of John's boot. Rodney shudders into John's belly and John clasps a steadying hand around the back of his neck, giving him a moment.

"All right?" John says after a while. Rodney gives a little nod.

"There better not be a surprise third part to this," John says, louder, to the chief.

"The gods are satisfied," the chief says. His eyes are glazed and there's a suspicious disturbance at the front of his skirt. John quickly looks away. He rubs his thumb along Rodney's hairline, then releases him.

"C'mon, McKay."

They stand and pull their pants up.

"Your people are welcome to return at any time," the chief says. "Especially you and Doctor Rodney."

"Uh huh," John says. "Thanks." They need to send some geologists to check out the mountains north of the village, but the team will be warned to steer clear of the villagers because if the locals have one weird hangup, chances are they have several more, and it's impossible to predict what'll set them off. Cadman's team once had to spend a night in the town jail on Rufi because someone had been chewing gum.

They get their weapons back from the chief's scrawny little medicine man and leave. Teyla and Ronon are waiting for them at the gate and John checks in with them over the radio. Teyla apologizes again for not remembering the tribe's complex system of taboos. Ronon grunts, still pissed that John sent them away after the chief had explained what exactly it would take to make amends for Rodney's obscene hand gesture.

"We're fine," John says, trying to sound fine. His pants have at least three separate wet spots on them and Rodney won't meet his eyes. John tells Teyla they'll be there shortly.

He takes a brief detour to splash through a shallow creek, and while it doesn't do anything to hide the giant wet spot over his crotch, it does distract from it. He hopes. Rodney's pants are a dusty mess, and his hair looks like it had itself a real good time, but there's nothing about him that suggests he'd just blown his team leader in front of an audience of perverted villagers. So at least they have that going for them.

Rodney catches John looking and his face goes pinched and unhappy, like it does when he's made a mistake. He clears his throat. "I, uh -- about back there, the, uh, I didn't intend -- I'm sorry for forcing you!" he finally blurts.

John stops mid-stride. "Excuse me?"

"You said 'wait' and I didn't. I didn't stop, and I'll, I'll understand if you can't work with me anymore," Rodney says, miserable.

John frowns. He had said wait, but now he can't remember why. Something about his pants being in the way?

"We agreed on the spanking," Rodney says, beet red and clearly working himself up into a nervous breakdown, "but the second part, the oral sex part, that wasn't part of the plan, and you told the chief no and I did it anyway because I really, really wanted to -- not that that's any excuse! -- it was wrong! No means no!"

As cute as Rodney is when he gets all flustered, this can't be good for his blood pressure.

"Rodney," John says, calming, but Rodney refuses to be calmed, hands flapping desperately.

"Just -- you're so hot and I wasn't thinking, well, I was thinking, but it --"

John grabs Rodney by the elbow and tugs him into a short, hard kiss.

Rodney pulls back to look at him, mouth working soundlessly. Then, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," John says, giving Rodney a smile and a little pat on the ass. It's easy to leave his hand there, so he does, steering Rodney toward the gate, and home.